Jerry Bryan's Web Pages
Only a True Southerner
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Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a
hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE"
them but "PITCH" them or "THROW" them.
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Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder".
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Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long
"directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly".
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All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble
is a platter of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of potato salad.
(If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to
add a large banana puddin'!)
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Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece". They also
know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a true Southerner both knows and understands
the difference between a redneck, and a good ol' boy.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make
a turn.
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A true Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as
a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only true Southerners make friends while standing in
lines (not "waiting on a line"). We don't do "queues",
we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we talk to
everybody and we smile!
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Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them
will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.
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Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon,
grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye
gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green
tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'..."
you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk".
Sweet tea indicates tea that is pre-sweetened with real
sugar while it's still warm - we do not like our tea unsweetened.
Sweet milk means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities
at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say, "Bless her little heart" and go along
your way.
If any of these things sound weird to you, you're from "somewhere or another,
a far piece way over yonder".
In other words, "You ain't a True Southerner".